“So I was really worried that, like, maybe I was pregnant or something, but probably not since I’m a guy and all.”

 “You just hate me because I’m not Jewish!”

“She was twerking so fast I couldn’t even see her anymore!”

“So what college do you plan on going to?” “*joker voice* Do I really look like a guy with a plan?”

“I don’t know man, I’m pretty sure I’m straight, but I don’t want to limit myself by calling myself heterosexual. I prefer the term… hetero-flexible.”

“Miley Cyrus is my spirit animal.”

“I’m done with this day. I’m ready to go home and slip into something comfortable, like a coma.”

“Hey, what do you do with a dead chemist? You barium!”

“Haters gonna hate, waiters gonna wait.”

“You wanna know something spooky? *whispers* There’s a skeleton living inside you right now.”

“Dude, have you ever just stopped and stared at John for an hour?”

Bee image PhotoCo: http://www.flickr.com/photos/84568447@N00/9906756433/