“Hurting you is the last thing I want to do. After that my to-do list is finished.”

“I swear no one else drowned on my watch”

“I tell myself that I’d survive a zombie apocalypse but I can’t even handle a paper cut”

“True beauty is on the inside in your beautiful, beautiful organs”

“The world would be a much better place if it were surrendered to me, so that I alone could rule it”

“I feel like I’ve secretly been a French person my whole life”

“How do they celebrate Thanksgiving in England?”

“Obama is probably our second most attractive President, right after Lincoln”